4 mindset traps men get into about their sexual performance
You can improve your sex life by changing your mindset
Your sex life is so much more than the physical act and your performance. You want great sex but there is a barrier in the way.
If you want to have great sex with your sexual partner, it’s time to build a healthy sexual mindset. A strong mindset helps to create a more fulfilling intimate experience. On the other hand, a poor mindset can create low sexual confidence and generate sexual problems such as ejaculating too soon, erection issues and anxiety about sex.
Your sexual mindset shapes the sexual experience you have. This is a scientific fact! A study, by psychologists in Hungary, published in the scientific journal Personality and individual differences shows that your mindset impacts your sexual well-being.
Your sexual mindset is important and has a direct link to sexual anxiety, sexual confidence and also trigger unwanted sexual responses which ultimately causes it to be over too quickly.
In this article, we will be discussing your current sexual mindset and the traps you fall into. It’s best to start with where you are now before we jump into where you want to be!
Trap 1 - I Can’t perform
A common worry for men who experience sexual problems is that will not be able to perform.
This thought often leads into other concerns such as:
What will my sexual partner think of me if I can’t last long, or I lose my erection?
Low confidence
Fear of being rejected
Notice when you think "I can't perform" the impact it has upon your body. Does it cause more frustration, fear, anxiety and stress?
Perhaps it causes a cycle of overthinking that leads to “I am going to lose my erection” or “I am going to ejaculate too quickly”.
The thoughts and emotions then dominate your sexual experience.
Tip 1
Write down new belief you can start to embody. Ensure it is realistic and you can put it into action now!
Here’s an example: "I am learning to have sexual control.”
“When you have a ‘solution thinking mindset’ - and choose to focus 80% of your thoughts/words on solutions - you will not only be heading more speedily to long-term success, but you will immediately feel better in the moment. ”
Trap 2 - It is going to happen again
The fear of losing sexual control can often be very overwhelming. Especially with a new sexual partner.
When you go into a new sexual encounter you are carrying sexual baggage. The baggage contains your fears, anxieties, previous sexual experiences and all the times you lost control or couldn’t perform.
Do you now understand why the thought of “it is going to happen again” is so powerful? When you think it’s going to happen again (lose erection or ejaculate too quickly) you send a message from your mind down into your body and penis.
This mindset trap causes a chain reaction based upon your previous experiences and fears.
Tip 2
To overcome this trap one of your biggest challenges is to stop focussing on the past. This creates space to refocus and create space for what you do want rather than what happened in the past.
This does require a change of thinking patterns, focus and practice! This breathing exercise in the video will help.
“Your mindset matters. It affects everything - from the business and investment decisions you make, to the way you raise your children, to your stress levels and overall well-being. ”
Trap 3 - I can't sexually please my partner
Perhaps one of the greatest sexual fears men have is not being able to sexually please their partner.
When you focus too much on trying to sexually please your partner you actually become disconnected from them. Your deep fear and sexual insecurities leads to more anxiety, stress and sexual dysfunction.
You become hyper-focused on your thoughts and penis.
Sexual intercouse is part pleasure and also about connecting, fun and an intimate way to truly get to know each other.
Tip 3
When you get caught in this mindset trap have you noticed you lose the real connection of sex, intimacy and connection?
Write down the answers to this question: How can I connect with my partner today.
“The way a man penetrates the world should be the same way he penetrates his woman: not merely for personal gain or pleasure, but to magnify love, openness, and depth. ”
Trap 4 - I am not a man
For some men, the impact of not being able to sexually perform is huge. In my private practice, I have lost count of the number of times men have said: “I am not a man” because of the sexual problem they experience. This has a huge impact on male sexuality.
Do you secretly feel this too?
If so, you most likely feeling embarrassed about your inability to last longer. The belief of “I am not a man” is created because you align your identity with your sexual performance.
This mindset trap also seeps into other areas of your life to leadership, dealing with conflicts and even how you respond when your friends talk about sex.
Tip 4
Your sexual ability does not define your masculinity. However, how you choose to grow, learn and develop from these experiences does.
Ask yourself and write down the answer:
What’s one way I can learn from this sexual experience.
“The more comfortable men are with dealing with their own vulnerability and their own ideas of masculinity and feeling emasculated, the healthier they are. It’s a healthy thing to deal with. ”
Your sexual problems do not define you
Your sexual problems do not define you. They are not part of your personality.
Sexual problems are something you experience. It is a physical behaviour and it is not connected to who you are.
I have worked with some men who sadly put up with their sexual problems because they were too embarrassed or humiliated by it.
Many of my clients say "Linda I wish I got help sooner", "I can't believe I let this continue for so long without sorting it out" or, "I regret the last 20 years of my life but now I am ready to overcome this issue".
My response is I always believe the time is perfect now. Don’t regret putting it off.
If you are ready to sign up to the 1-2-1 sexual hypnotherapy programmes I would love to hear from you.
I provide a safe, discreet and confidential 30-minute free telephone consultation. There is no pressure or obligation to work with me after this call.
For more information you are welcome to visit hypnotherapy for sexual problems
To set up this free call please call 075 3421 3557 (for international you can message me on WhatsApp) or fill out the contact form here: book my call