Here are the 6 reasons why men experience sexual anxiety
Do you feel anxious about sex? Do you avoid sexual situations due to intense anxiety?
This can be a major problem for many men, and it seems to not get any better with time.
If sexual anxiety has a significant impact on your sex life, you might wonder why you're experiencing sexual anxiety in the first place. If so, this article is for you.
In this post, we will discuss six common reasons why men experience sexual anxiety and how to overcome them.
In my private hypnotherapy and coaching practice, one of the most common areas men work with me is sexual performance anxiety.
They worry about how long they will last, will they get an erection, if they will ejaculate too soon or worried about pleasing their partner/making her orgasm. Whether it's a new relationship or a long-standing one, sexual anxiety limits the fun, enjoyment and pleasure of sex.
Sexual performance anxiety is often all consuming and impacts your mind, body and penis. It restricts and limits your sexual performance because your energy is focused on anxiety.
This article is for both men and women alike.
Men - know that you are not alone when you experience sexual anxiety. It may not be openly discussed, but it impacts many men and help is available to solve this.
Women - it's so important you understand men also have fears, anxiety and feel vulnerable with sex. Be supportive and give them the space they need to work through this without any pressure.
Six Reasons why men get anxious about sex
1. Sexual Performance anxiety caused by sexual dysfunction
Working with hundreds of men over the years who experience delayed ejaculation, premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, I personally witnessed the impact sexual issues have on their lives, relationships, masculinity and even work performance.
When a man is unable to perform due to sexual dysfunction, it has a huge impact at the core of him. Often he feels deeply embarrassed, ashamed, and even humiliated. This causes sexual performance anxiety, which often dominates his thoughts and behaviours.
2. Anxiety about pleasing your partner
A man's identity is closed linked to his sexual identity, and if men worry they cannot sexually please their partner, this often causes high levels of anxiety. As a result, men put more pressure on themselves to perform better, and this causes the cycle of sexual anxiety that they are not good enough or worry their partner may leave them.
3. Anxious mindset
It's so hard to enjoy sex when your thoughts and mindset get in the way.
"Is my partner enjoying this", "Am I going to lose my erection?", or "Will I ejaculate too soon?"
Often men who experience sexual anxiety have what we call a fixed, critical or judgement mindset. They focus on failing before it even happens.
When you are preoccupied with failing and focussed too much on your thoughts, it is so difficult to enjoy sex and be connected with your partner, and this causes even more anxiety.
4. Penis size and shame
A man's penis is linked to his male identity. If he feels his penis isn't adequate to please his partner, or a new partner will laugh at his penis size, this causes sexual anxiety
According to a 2008 study in the Journal of Health Psychology, men's anxiety about penis size is top of their list, alongside weight and height. The anxiety and shame about penis size can impact men in many areas of his life. Some men will not even start a new relationship, worry they are not able to please their partners sexually. This causes performance anxiety and how he sees himself as a man, and impacts his confidence levels.
5. Men, sex and vulnerability
Sexual performance anxiety for men can be so isolating, because they find it difficult to discuss such an intimate issues such as sex. They are afraid to let their partner witness this vulnerable side.
Yet, vulnerability is the key to deeper, intimate and more connected sex.
6. Sex and a new partner
The first time a couple has sex together, is often a vulnerable experience for both of them. As they begin to open their hearts and bodies, it deepens and brings a new level of intimacy.
However, for some men, this can bring high levels of anxiety, especially if they deeply care for their partner and see a possible long-term relationship. They worry they will not please her or not perform. Even putting on a condom can be anxiety provoking.
How to overcome sexual performance anxiety
The path to overcoming sexual performance anxiety is also a personal journey of your strengths, what you need to develop, and where you need to grow.
Each man's journey and path is unique. Some need more help with their mindset and thoughts, others about fears and anxiety. For others, it's about working through a sexual issue, or how they deal with their partner's insufficient support.
If you need help overcome sexual anxiety, you are welcome to contact me. Let's have a conversation and discuss how I can help you experience the sex life you want.
You are welcome to contact me when you are ready.